


An Endless Instant

by underweargods



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Beacon Hills, Body Language, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, POV Third Person, Past Relationship(s), Second Ever Fic, sterek, the Loft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-09 16:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1989453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underweargods/pseuds/underweargods
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek acts on an impulse and has to explain himself.<br/>A relationship blossoms? </p><p>(Only my second fic, and I kind of wrote it with a style more akin to my poetry.<br/>It may be garbage; enjoy!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Endless Instant

It was a quick and easy moment of bliss. Everything he had been imagining it to be. He could hear the startled arresting of the other boy’s diaphragm, the shifting of air within the pleural cavity. The tendon and muscle creaking against bone as it drew his arm up, his hand making its way to Derek’s ribs. The sound of those creaks slowing, halting; feeling the warmth of the blood coursing through his hands radiating out of his body as it hovered there, for only an instant. 

Sometimes, when the right decisions are made, an instant can be endless. A heart can be warmed for a lifetime, just by the heat of a hand not yet pressed against the flesh protecting it.

And then the touch, the pressure, the force; their lips are parted by it. The cold air of his own loft stealing the heat from his heart and they move apart. 

He can hear Stiles breathing heavy. Hear his heart beating faster than he ever has before. 

“Okay man, I have been dealing with some really freaky  sh –“ His hand wiping sweat from his brow. “I came here looking for help with a murder, y’know.  And now – what? what is this? – you poisoned and hallucinating or is cupid a thing, now? Have I been put under a hex to make me look like Kate?”

Derek winced at her name. He could feel his eyes flash with color. He could see Stiles tense in response. He couldn’t meet his eyes. He went to reach out, but stopped himself halfway.

“No, don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Stiles nearly cut him off, brow still furrowed.

“Don’t be afraid of me.” Derek breathed out like a sigh.

“Don’t be… ? Don’t –“ Stiles took a few steps closer, now, and forced his eyes into Derek’s view. “It’s got to be poison, then. Because last I checked the basis of our entire back-and-forth, here, has been that I’m afraid of you.”

“Look –“

“No, you look: you don’t get to tell me who to be afraid of, when you are the reason I have to be afraid of everything.”

“That was Peter.”

“No, Derek, it wasn’t Peter abducting me at random – okay he did that too – but you did it first. The point is, you’re big and scary. You are big and scary and I am Stiles. Human, bones-that-take-weeks-and-not-nights-to-heal Stiles. I have been afraid of you from the start.” He huffed out a breath, collecting himself. “Even before I knew you were a werewolf.”

“Stiles, you stand up to me more than anyone ever has.”

“You know that fight or flight stuff?” He said; evening out, heart rate softening, “I never really perfected the flight bit. So I talk at whatever is scaring me. I talk in the hopes that… I don’t even know. I guess I talk at it hoping it’ll be annoyed into submission.”

Derek could hear the puff of air that escaped him, it was a pathetic laugh. No one human would hear it. Stiles would feel it happen, the breath escaping himself, but Derek could hear it and he let out one of his own.

“You’ve almost got that technique perfected.”

Stiles narrowed his eyes in a sarcastic disdain, mocking laughter.

“Why did you push me away?”

“Wh – are you kidding?” Stiles was getting animated again, “Is that even a question?”

“Yeah, it’s a question.” Derek said to the floor somewhere between the two of them. 

Stiles walked to the windows and stood with his back turned to Derek. His mouth was drying out; Derek could hear his tongue licking over the inside of it, his lips occasionally. He would crack his neck next. He would bring his hand up to it and sigh.

Stiles cracked his neck. When he sighed, Derek laughed. Stiles turned back, his hand on the back of his neck. Eyes narrowed. “Are you seriously laughing at me right now?”

“No. Stiles –“

“Is this a joke?”

Derek sighed, “Honestly, I didn’t think this through.”

“I’d like to say that I am noticing a pattern, there.” Stiles let out, blankly; hand up beside his head.

Derek’s eyes flashed again. He turned his head away. 

“Why does that keep happening?” 

“It’s hard to keep everything under control, when…” Derek couldn’t get over himself. He came at this too soon, he wasn’t ready for it. 

“When you’re fighting off poison?” Stiles nodded, complacently, “Are you going to spew black goo any minute?”

“Is that what you want, this to have been poison?”  Derek finally managed to lift his head back to look at Stiles. Stiles looked defeated, but Derek must have been looking worse. 

“I want to know what the hell you were thinking. That’s what I want.” Stiles shot back. His hand was gesticulating wildly, still half-hidden by the end of his sleeve. Derek wanted to grab it, hold it still; hold him still. He stayed half the room away.

“I thought it was what you wanted.” Simple, brief, true: he was laying the blame on Stiles, but that would make it easier. Derek walked to the couch and perched on the edge of it, elbows on his knees. 

“You thought I wanted that?” Stiles asked, after standing flabbergasted for a moment. “And now what do I say? How do I respond to that?”

Stiles stood with his hands apart in front of him, as if frozen. Derek looked up to him.

“Whoa. Is this all it takes to shut you up?” Derek smirked the tiniest smirk.

Stiles smiled in a big, goofy way as he let out one extended sigh of a laugh. 

“Thanks for not trying to pretend this wasn’t something you wanted” Derek said, feeling more at ease.

“I didn’t say I did want this.” Stiles said, calmly but clearly as he sat near Derek on the couch. “But I know you’d give me the heart rate spiel if I did.”

“Will you do me a favor and just shut up, while I tell you what I was thinking?” 

“Ahh, that elusive Derek Hale charm.”

“That’s what I mean. I don’t need any of that in the middle of this.” Derek said, smiling. 

Stiles licked his top lip nervously, nodding his assent. 

“There is a number of different ways to tell how someone is feeling. One of them is that heart rate spiel. But there are plenty of other things. Other sounds in the body. Smells from the body while it is around and smells even when it is gone. 

“You mentioned Kate earlier, and I’ll tell you the truth, I was in love with her. I was young, I was dumb, I didn’t understand my powers. She did, and I failed to realise that other people could exploit them, or that other people would want to, really. You weren’t the first 16 year old to have their life shaken up, in a huge way.

“No. Stiles, no. Shut up, remember?

“The point is, I really learned to use my powers after that. I needed to be able to use what I had to the best advantage I could. I took the time to learn that the sound of the tendons loosening in your jaw means you’re about to interrupt me. About to try at least, but you said you would shut up. 

“I killed the first girl I really liked. The second girl I liked killed almost everyone I loved. So I had to deal with what I had in my wheelhouse. I had to focus what I had into being able to really tell what was coming out of the people in my life. To tell if they were trying to use me or not. 

“Jennifer, there was another mistake. But I could tell with her that she really liked me. It was all genuine. There was obviously more to it than that, but – to be fair to me – she was once an emissary and had more power and understanding about werewolves than I did. She was like Kate in that her knowledge of my power was beyond my own. Even after all my work. 

“But all this time, Stiles, I could hear the little throwaways in you. Those bits and pieces, somewhere inside of you, they were saying that you liked me being around, more than you said with words. 

“No Stiles, still my turn. Just sit back, close your eyes, listen. 

“I ignored you. And it took me a long time to work up the nerve to think of you as anything more than – what did you call yourself? breaky-bones-Stiles or something? – Stiles the kid that won’t leave Scott alone. I could hear your fear, I know that was there too, and I abused that. So officially, I admit it: I thought of you as just a tagalong to Scott, I liked that you were afraid of me. I’m sorry.

“But after a while I could smell it on you; something more than fear. I could hear it in your breathing, when you thought I didn’t know you were looking at me. And your tell is your left shoulder. Something about our interactions makes it twitch. I think it’s how you kept yourself from letting it out. 

“But you stood up to me, and I like to think it was less about you not knowing to run from me and more about you finding a way to spend more time with me. But I guess it is fair – no interrupting, sit – I guess it’s fair to say that I let you. So probably I was looking to spend more time with you. But I don’t know, that is hard for me to say, this is all crazy. 

“I don’t know how to like a guy, Stiles. Or I don’t think I know how. Mostly it was all this attention I was getting from you. It was building up, and building up and I liked it, Stiles. I have been so afraid to say this to anyone, but what I want most is love. I am struggling to keep the people I love or care about alive, and that’s all I’ve cared about these last few years: Keeping them safe and alive. 

“So I’ve been a bit caught up. I have been really afraid. And honestly, you deserve better than me. Every girl I have been involved with is dead, Stiles, and that is the last thing I want for you.”

Derek paused for a long time. He and Stiles sat motionless, silent. 

“Stiles I have just heard so much in you, and that’s the trouble. I have let the possibility of what your body has told me lead me down a lot of different roads in my head. But I have been too afraid to find out how you have actually been thinking of this – of me. Even now, I’m steamrolling you so that you don’t get a chance to actually tell me. But I need you to just listen, for now, or I’ll never summon the courage to say any of this again. 

“I could smell you in here, when I was coming home. I knew you were here and I knew you were alone. I’ll admit that I think it’s funny that no one thinks to turn a light on when they break into my home.”

“Break into? You don’t ever lock the door, Derek.” Stiles was very relaxed, Derek could tell. It was comfort that let him interrupt, he just forgot he wasn’t supposed to talk.

“Shh… So when I knew you’d be in here, I just thought – I still don’t know what I thought. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted it for me, but I also wanted it for you. I really did mean it, when I said I thought it was what you wanted. So I came up the stairs, I opened the door and I listened to everything your body had to say as I walked up to you. 

“There was concern and then worry and then a bit of fear. And then the kiss. I took your breath away. I felt the resignation, the desire, the confusion and then your hand pushing me away. And then I knew I made a mistake. I acted on something I wasn’t prepared to explain. Something that you weren’t expecting or prepared for, yourself. 

“So I shut down a bit, there. Then you mentioned Kate and it hurt me, I never thought you had it in you, but you hurt me. My eyes flashed because too much was going on in my head, and that scared you which made me hurt that little bit more.  You made it happen twice and that I give you credit for. It usually takes actual physical pain for me to get to that point.”

Derek fell silent for a minute. 

He could hear Stiles shuffle. The fabric of his clothes against the upholstery of the couch; the clicking of his vertebrae, his torso being leant forward; the muscles in his left shoulder twitching; the air exiting his lungs, pressed out of him by his motions. 

Derek turned his face toward Stiles. He could hear it coming, but he let it happen. Stiles’ hand struck the left side of his face. An open fist, a slap; so typically Stiles. He held his breath, for fear of his exhaling being cause for the other boy to be frightened again. 

Then he heard Stiles’ right hand coming up slower, touching the right side of his face, pulling it back to face him. His left hand came up to where he’d just slapped Derek; the tendons loosening in his jaw.

“Don’t you ever call that a mistake again.” His voice was much shakier than he wanted it to be, Derek could tell. But it didn’t matter. His eyes glowed in response, but Stiles didn’t flinch. He just looked into them, really looked into them. “Is that going to be a common occurrence, then?”

“Stiles –“

“No, no, Derek. My turn.” Stiles leaned forward, pulling Derek’s face into his. 

It was a quick and easy moment of bliss. Everything he had wanted the first kiss to be. He could feel the reciprocal press of the other boy’s musculature, the press of his teeth behind his lips. The quiver of his arms, as he held them in place; held Derek’s face in place. The vibrations of his vocal chords letting a hum from within him escape, tickling both of their lips as it moved into Derek. 

Sometimes, when the right decisions are made, an instant can be endless. A heart can be warmed for a lifetime, just by the heat of a body not yet pressed against the flesh protecting it.

A tinkling noise from Stiles’ pocket sounded; their lips parted by it. Suddenly the cold air of the loft, again. 

Stiles drew his phone from his pocket, Derek watched it light his face up as he fiddled with it. 

“Scott… Oh right, I came here about a murder.” He said to it, quietly. “Look, Derek, I have to go.”

“No, right.” 

“Do you want to…? I mean, should I come back?” Stiles asked, unsure.

“No.” Derek answered solemnly. “Let’s both give this some time and come back to it.”

He lifted his head, wearing a smile, and saw the disappointment Stiles had on his face dissipate. 

“There is a lot going on here, Stiles.  I need you to make the decision you feel is best. But more than anything, I need you safe.” Derek said, looking into his eyes.

“Yeah, right, cool.” Stiles stood up, and looked to the door and back to Derek.

“Go.”

Stiles walked to the door, slid it open and turned back to Derek.

“You know how I feel, Stiles. I’m here when you’re ready to talk again.” Derek was frozen in place, more rigid than he wanted to be; catatonic with felicity.

When the door slid shut, Derek could still hear him. After a few steps he stopped and let out a big sigh. Derek thought he could hear the smile on his face. But maybe it was just his own, the projection of his own positive bodily response. 

He sat down on the couch. He could smell so much emotion in the air. He took a deep breath and searched the mire in the air. He would find it like the notes of flavour in wine; his moment of bliss was there, hanging in the air. He would find it and he would live it again. He would live it again and again and again. 

Sometimes, when the right decisions are made, an instant can be endless…


End file.
